Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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