Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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