Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
