Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
