Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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