I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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