C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
