would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Blood and glitter go together right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
