Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
