I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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