Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
