Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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