I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this boner is exhausting
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
