Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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