your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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