90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize