God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
