his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize