you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
