So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
