I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
