You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
