No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
