So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
