if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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