Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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