how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize