Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
