okay pat passed out under dana's car
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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