yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she smelled like a LAN party
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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