His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
