the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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