Are we in a gay sports bar?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
