I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
