Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
