my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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