the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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