I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
