i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
