dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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