if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
