I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
