I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize