I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
