i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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