The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
