Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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