you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
