remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
