we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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