someone get that fucking seahorse.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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