If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
