Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
