did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
