i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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