i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
