I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
