It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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