I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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