my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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