literally had 100 drinks last night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
