Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
