sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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